Ryuzaki Raiko Wayne

A story =D

2007-11-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

ok here goes.

Im an only child. My father's a taxi driver. Mummy, who's no more with me, earned some extra income from a factory job. Though we were not well off, I never compared myself with my friends, most of whom were better off than I.

I was simply grateful for a loving father and a doting mother. They didn't splurge on me but, instead, showered me with their love.

Apparently, Mum had difficulty in conceiving, even though she had married young. Just when they were about to give up, my mother finally tested pregnant, when she was 39!

It was a problematic delivery and they resorted to caesarean section. The difficulty they had in bringing me to the world made them cherish me even more, I guess.

My mother and I were especially close. She would read me bedtime stories, cook my favourite dishes and take me everywhere she went.

When she went to the market to shop, I would happily hold her hand and we would laugh and banter as she taught me how to choose the freshest fish, pork and chicken "for my future husband". On her days off, she'd take me to a movie of my choice, followed by window shopping and a meal McDonald's, KFC or wherever I fancied.

She was an accomplished seamstress and although we didn't have the budget for branded clothes, she would make sure that I always looked smart and pretty with her own creations.

Chinatown was a frequent haunt and she would pick out some nice fabrics that she would sew into skirts, blouses and sundresses. It was tedious work but now I realise that it was a labour of love for her. Every time I hear the Chinese song "Shi Shang Zhi You Ma Ma Hao", which translates to "On earth, only mother is good", I have to hold back the tears from running down my cheeks.

I just took it for granted that she would always be around but when I was 12 and preparing for my PSLE exams, I found out Mother had been diagnosed with cervical cancer.

I don't want to elaborate as the memories are extremely painful. But I helplessly watched her wither away.

"Mummy," I remember calling out, "Let me give you my zhi gong(cervix) so that you can get better!" She hugged me tightly. After an eight-month battle, she finally passed away.

Russell, I never felt as much sorrow and pain as when she died. Even now, six years later, I sometimes think it's all a nightmare and that I would wake up one day and find my mother next to me again. But then I realise that the blackness and void is permanent. And my grief becomes oh so unbearable, Russell. Why did God make the human condition so pitiful?

I believe that there'll never be as much grief in my heart as the day people from a funeral services company arrived to take her body away for embalming. A blanket had been pulled over her head. I tore he blanket away and wailed loudly. I kissed her on the cheek and begged, "Mummy wake up. Please wake up!"

I had done well in my PSLE the year before and had been posted to a top girls' school. Mother passed away in June, midway through my first year in secondary school.

She had been very proud of my results and even though she was in and out of hospital, she would still feebly make her way to the kitchen to make chicken soup and occasionally boil bird's nest with rock sugar for me.

"Study hard and don't mix with the wrong company. Michelle, " she would say. "Mother will not be around much longer, but my heart will always be with you."

After she died, I slumped into depression. I had no interest in schoolwork and would often lock myself in my room.... (to be continued, LOL i know..)

To you & Only you ...

2007-11-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

~Till The End~

All this precious moment
with you by my side
Must be a give from heaven
That holding me whole night

I dont know how i found you
I thankful that i have
And never have love that is so true
To hold to keep to share

In my heart i can no longer hold inside
All of the love i use to hide
I always be with you until the very end
In this world, there is no place i rather be
You are my life my soul my girl
In through it all i know you come to see
That your the one till the end

All my friends around me
Say you be gone to soon
And i gonna make them see
We found our way back home

Cruise !

2007-10-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

hah. just came back from cruise. haish so long never go liao. remembered the last time i went on cruise with her. so sweet and whatever. althought we have so-called "broken" up. but she always appear in my mind and i always wonder why i couldnt shake her off my mind. Probably because we went through up and downs together like most lovely couple u can see right now on the streets( Sometimes i do have flashback and im jealous now and always!!! ). So anyway, today just came back. I went there to gamble! not alot but still yes gamble! LOL. Well, i didnt win. so ya, forget it. Their food arent that nice and the stuff they sell arent cheap either. So forget about the eating part, cause i dun really have any foods to my liking cept for that char siew rice(Edible) and sandwiches with ham only XD. I wanted to take some pictures of the memories back. But ya when i came to think of that, its already in the night time and i couldnt really do any shots with that lousy camera phone. So ya i think that's about it. LOL. have a nice day. =]

MY LOVE!

2007-10-16T03:41:00.000-07:00

show you guys my desire x33 lots..

Questions

2007-10-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

Ever thought of how heavy u're placed on someone else's heart?
Ever thought of how good you gave your impression to someone else?
Is there someone you cant really forget or is there someone who leave a really deep impression to you?
Well for me i do have impression of people(best friends , etc).
I've this wonderful great friends around me for years, even though we dont really get along much these few years, but the bond is always there. We played bball, vball and alot more, even went thru hard times and good times tgt. PS: but that was kinda long ago. few yrs back. LOL!
Got to know this girl and was someone i do like alot, wrote it in my previous post WAHAHA.
well now she is still a good friend of mine and we do contact often or shld i say everyday? LOL!

there's this girl also my ex. we've been together for 2yrs and on. but we broke off near the end of last yr i think. or is it beginning of this year, but whatever the case is. So what if we've 2yrs+ relationship? there's still an end in our story. as for how we ended up like that.. probably cause my attitude scuks after she told me she likes someone elses? i did a 360 turned. =] so sorry but ya. I wouldnt take it.

With this i think i've nothing much to say as for now. LOL!. if you never ever thought of those questions, try to think of it.

To lic : !! skcus hsilgne ym

Sweet memories of the past

2007-10-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

Today woke up late, didnt had my breakfast and jump straight to my comp. what i remembered was talking to lic on msn, then went on to oz pei her fish. PERCH! forever perching... to get flea livers. we were chatting and chatting none stop, somehow we talked about the past. It's kinda complicated though. It goes like this, few yrs back. i've got this crush on her. and so i kept on hanging out with her groups of friends. not long after, there's this day we went to a friend's house and we're supposed to study. yea "supposed to" but ya. you know what normally teenager meant by "studying"... Ya so we stayed up late at the friend's house then we go back together. and miracally, she suddenly held on to my hand and at the same time i held on to hers too. its like so..OH-MY-TIAN.. so undescribeable.

ya so i send back to her station and i went off, she doesnt want me to send her home >.<
the next day and day after, i think we went somewhere else together probably the friend's house again and study again. the same old thing we went back together and ya. till this very day, where things turn out real bad. and it really got me so down and emotionless. got this sms thingy(you know , i know) . i told her that i didnt do it really, but she doesn't believe me. so i told her, "if it's really me who do it, i'll gladly admit" but still she doesn't believe so what can i do? at that time i really doesnt want this tiny problems to affect our relationship. so i told her "ok its me who does that , would u forgive me" and still we fallen out and i really got so emo that time.

But well. After all, there's this kinda sweet memories that she has created in my hearts. right now, whenever think of it. i will still miss the days we used to hang out together. it's so fun back then and that is what i wanna hui dao guo qu to. But she forgotten everything ',....,' how nice of her right? LOL jk.

PS: Really missed that kind of feelings. =3

A great sunday

2007-10-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

i feel so empty in my heart and my feelings are all dead, don't really know what im trying to write here. But well, feel real empty. nothing's gonna cheer me up like how i used to be last time. don't know what to write. life is confusing and people around are degrading. seriously i dont know what im writing now.

anyway to lic, cheer up k! although i dont really know what's happening around you. but i guess, just be yourself and everything will be fine.

to angez, enjoy with your german speaking culture and take good care of urself and ur bf. LOL!

thanks for the day people. =]

LA LA LA

2007-10-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

Yeah baby I hope you don’t misunderstand me

My philosophie was you and me, even up my dreams it is you I see
The puzzle, the puzzle incomplete can’t you see you was all I needed
I’m sad trying to hold back, but tears rolling fast with this pain in my past
Honestly I feel weak, well it’s hard to explain but you drive me insane

Refrain
Girl I wrote this letter to let you know forever
I keep you in my heart when I’m leaving you
Girl I wrote this letter and it ain’t getting better
That is why I can’t be with you
Ps: I still love you

My only question: do you miss me when I am gone?
Tell me girl?! Tell me

It is reality that you’re playing me
You took my inner breath
Cause I was blind to see
Now I know that I have to go
Why don’t you see I was all you needed
Wanna stay but it ain’t ok that he is with you
And it’s me who’s alone

Refrain
Girl I wrote this letter to let you know forever
I keep you in my heart when I’m leaving you
Girl I wrote this letter and it ain’t getting better
That is why I can't be with you
Ps: I still love you

I was the one that you could always count on, lean on
but those days are gone
All we have are memories of better days
Now I need to say goodbye

Refrain
Girl I wrote this letter to let you know forever
I keep you in my heart when I’m leaving you
Girl I wrote this letter and it ain’t getting better
That is why I can’t be with you
Ps: I still love you

Girl I wrote this letter to let you know forever
I keep you in my heart when I’m leaving you
Girl I wrote this letter and it ain’t getting better
That is why I can’t be with you
Ps: I still love you...

Confession?

2007-10-09T06:52:00.000-07:00

Im really really confused about everything tt's happening around me.. i dont really know where am i now, and how my life would be.. though i enjoyed every moment with you around. but it seems that im not even contented. probably because we're not together? probably because it lacks of chemistry between the two of us? many things running through my head and it's really bothering me alot. girl how i wish im with you. i do really miss you alot.!

Everytime i see you, i feel so complacent. just hope to see you every moment. but i understand there's this feeling kind of thing which you told me that you dont have it. and it really makes me go "...."(no comments and dont know what to say). girl you know im writing this to you. although im dead beat or anything i'll still care for you.. but times really makes me wondered lots of stuff. i feel so heavy inside me, this is why i created a blog page where i can really throw everything to. girl i do really want to hear something from you, be it good or bad. I just wanna hear something from you...........................