ok here goes.

Im an only child. My father's a taxi driver. Mummy, who's no more with me, earned some extra income from a factory job. Though we were not well off, I never compared myself with my friends, most of whom were better off than I.


I was simply grateful for a loving father and a doting mother. They didn't splurge on me but, instead, showered me with their love.

Apparently, Mum had difficulty in conceiving, even though she had married young. Just when they were about to give up, my mother finally tested pregnant, when she was 39!

It was a problematic delivery and they resorted to caesarean section. The difficulty they had in bringing me to the world made them cherish me even more, I guess.

My mother and I were especially close. She would read me bedtime stories, cook my favourite dishes and take me everywhere she went.

When she went to the market to shop, I would happily hold her hand and we would laugh and banter as she taught me how to choose the freshest fish, pork and chicken "for my future husband". On her days off, she'd take me to a movie of my choice, followed by window shopping and a meal McDonald's, KFC or wherever I fancied.

She was an accomplished seamstress and although we didn't have the budget for branded clothes, she would make sure that I always looked smart and pretty with her own creations.

Chinatown was a frequent haunt and she would pick out some nice fabrics that she would sew into skirts, blouses and sundresses. It was tedious work but now I realise that it was a labour of love for her. Every time I hear the Chinese song "Shi Shang Zhi You Ma Ma Hao", which translates to "On earth, only mother is good", I have to hold back the tears from running down my cheeks.

I just took it for granted that she would always be around but when I was 12 and preparing for my PSLE exams, I found out Mother had been diagnosed with cervical cancer.

I don't want to elaborate as the memories are extremely painful. But I helplessly watched her wither away.

"Mummy," I remember calling out, "Let me give you my zhi gong(cervix) so that you can get better!" She hugged me tightly. After an eight-month battle, she finally passed away.

Russell, I never felt as much sorrow and pain as when she died. Even now, six years later, I sometimes think it's all a nightmare and that I would wake up one day and find my mother next to me again. But then I realise that the blackness and void is permanent. And my grief becomes oh so unbearable, Russell. Why did God make the human condition so pitiful?

I believe that there'll never be as much grief in my heart as the day people from a funeral services company arrived to take her body away for embalming. A blanket had been pulled over her head. I tore he blanket away and wailed loudly. I kissed her on the cheek and begged, "Mummy wake up. Please wake up!"

I had done well in my PSLE the year before and had been posted to a top girls' school. Mother passed away in June, midway through my first year in secondary school.

She had been very proud of my results and even though she was in and out of hospital, she would still feebly make her way to the kitchen to make chicken soup and occasionally boil bird's nest with rock sugar for me.

"Study hard and don't mix with the wrong company. Michelle, " she would say. "Mother will not be around much longer, but my heart will always be with you."

After she died, I slumped into depression. I had no interest in schoolwork and would often lock myself in my room.... (to be continued, LOL i know..)